Sake and Sasuke
by FunnelCakeRoxMySox
Summary: Something horrible stems from a few cups of sake...Kakashi avoids paying his tab by agreeing with Iruka to take a few pictures of a drunken Sasuke! Comedy insues! really, it does! Cowritten with Spearette. Off Hiatus! :D
1. The Deal

**OO Okay, wow, YAY! First fanfic in like...5 months!...Okay...wow...PLEASE dun flame,**

**okay? Flames are best left to Roy Mustang and Wolfram von Bielifeld!...Gah, don't **

**ask...D: Okay...this fanfic was co-written with Spearette! THERE I SAID IT. Yes,**

**co-written with Spearette. I wrote this chapter, though! We'll write one chapter each.  
Okay...no more ranting for me...ON WITH THE STORRRYYY! (This is more of a **

**prolouge then anything, so don't hurt me!)**

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Kakashi tossed his head back as he strained to get the last few traces of sake left in the cup. Iruka looked at him wrly from the seat parallel to the jounin.

"You sure can put that stuff away, Kakashi." he observed, twirling around his own empty cup on the tip of his finger. Kakashi shrugged as he set the now empty cup of rice wine down on the table, and put on what one could only guess to be a smile.

The sun was just starting to set on the two old friends as they relaxed in Kohona's local pub. Both rather stressed about the upcoming Chuunin exams, Iruka had proposed that they go to the pub to relax and unwind...Kakashi, however, seemed to be downing more sake then relaxing.

The bartender put his hand down rather loudly in front of the two ninjas, grunting. "You two plan to PAY for those 12 cups of sake?" Kakashi sweatdropped and Iruka twitched ever-so-slightly as he looked at the eleven cups Kakashi had consumed.

"Of course I do!" Kakashi said non-chalantly, as he reached into the many pockets of his vest for some yen. There was a long silence as both the bartender and Iruka waited, and then...Kakashi laughed nervously. "Er...I...seem to have...dropped my money..."

The bartender, however, didn't find it at all amusing and grunted louder then before. "You ain't leaving here until you pay, got it?" Kakashi nodded, and turned to Iruka. Iruka, however, turned his head away at the last minute.

"Kakashi, don't expect ME to pay for TWLEVE cups of sake on my own money. You shouldn't even be drinking that much in the first place!"

"I know, I know, but...please, Iruka? I need to get to my squad, I promised I'd help them train this evening..."

Iruka twitched even more violently then before. "Kakashi..."

"Think of little Naruto! Oh, how dissapointed he'll be..." Kakashi said, almost mockingly, remembering Iruka's one weakness.

"...GAH!...FINE. I'll...I'll pay for the sake...but...you'll have to do something for me in exchange, Kakashi."

Kakashi's eyes (or, eye) narrowed. "What is it, exactly?"

"...I want you...to get the most skilled genin on your team...drunk." The bartender, who had been listening in on their coversation, anime fall-ed onto the floor.

"Whaaaa? DRUNK, Iruka?" Kakashi said, nearly falling off of his seat.

"Well...the way I figure it, you owe me some laughs...that, I'd really like to see Sasuke doing something besides scowling for a change."

"Yeah, but, still...of all things, Iruka...he's a minor!" Kakashi protested.

"Do you want me to pay for your drinks, or not?"

Kakashi sighed. "Iruka, you evil man...you have yourself a deal."

Iruka grinned and slapped down the large amount of yen on the table, and handed Kakashi a small, portable camera.

**TOBECONTINUED (DUNDUNDUUUN)...**


	2. Hot Sauce, Ahoy!

**((FCRMS: HUZZAH! The next chaptah! This one was written by Spearette, the one and only! x3))**

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Sakura sighed as she plopped into the wooden seat. Naruto and Sasuke were at it again, glaring and insulting each other. She was constantly in the middle of the two, though Sasuke wasn't a problem, yelling at Naruto and apologizing to Sasuke for Naruto's rudeness.

Sasuke huffed and shut his eyes in annoyance. Taking it as an insult, Naruto yelled, "WELL, ASUKE, I BET YOU CAN'T EAT ANY MORE THAN ME IF YOU TRIED."

"NARUTO!" Sakura screamed, and then sighed, thinking, "Why do I even bother? He never listens to me! That stupid Naruto…"

Kakashi was in the kitchen, checking the food in the host was about to serve this squad. A slight devious grin sneaked onto his masked face…

He glanced at the master of this plan: Sasuke's water glass! (A/N: Hey, Sasuke's boring enough to not have any flavor in his drink.) Kakashi mumbled some chant and moved his hands in a weird fashion. The 'water' in the glass somehow became clearer… less… yellow-ish. "Looks can be deceiving, can't they?" Kakashi thought, pouring hot sauce in circles on Sasuke's plate.

The host (A/N: I'm too lazy to think of a name…) looked lazily over at Kakashi. "Someones has a taste for spicy food, they does." He said in an unrecognizable accent.

Naruto, of course, was at Sasuke's throat again for one reason or another, when Sakura yelled, "ENOUGH!"

Sasuke and Naruto stared wide-eyed at Sakura as she hugged and puffed out frustration. Honestly, in their minds, she looked like the best on their team, especially with chakra and social skills, especially compared to Naruto. That should be enough in itself to make them stop, but pride and reputation is terrible to waste…

The host stomped out with the three's plates. Naruto looked competitively at Sasuke, who simply mumbled an insult.

He slammed down the plates and gritted his teeth. "En-… Enjoy."

Naruto grinned a toothy grin and looked mockingly at Sasuke. Sasuke looked blankly at Naruto, but with a slight look of amusement. Their mind conversations stumped everyone around them, especially Sakura. He picked up his fork almost menacingly, glanced at Naruto, who rose an eyebrow.

And, in the blink of an eye, Sasuke and Naruto were working toward finishing their plates… rapidly.

Suddenly, Sasuke's face burnt a brick wall red. He fumbled toward his 'water' glass.

"What is it, Sasuke?" Naruto choked out mockingly, food crumbs flying out of mouth. "To much for ya?" He burst out in laughter.

"NARUTO!" Sakura stomped toward the blonde boy and put him in a headlock.

Sasuke gulped down the last of his drink. Ninja should see through deception, but… who would suspect a trick hidden in his food…

But You could see the crazed look building up in his dark eyes…


	3. Uhoh

**ZOMGYAAAAAAAAAAAY NEW CHAPTAH! x3 Uh...not much to say besides that...**

**  
OH. RIGHT. DISCLAIMER...I forgot to put one on both of the chapters. SO HERE GOES:**

_DISCLAIMER: NEITHER I NOR SPEARETTE OWN NARUTO!_

**(Just insuring we don't get our asses sued. XD)**

Aaaaahhh, this is where the fun starts! (I had a cheesy grin on my face the whole time I was writing this. XD)

**((Written by Funnelcakeroxmysox))**

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"Uhhhh...Sasuke?" Sakura asked, blinking and loosening her grip on Naruto.

Everyone staring could see the rapid transformation Sasuke was undergoing. His dark eyes glazed over, his mouth, which was normally shaped into a slight frown was now hanging open, and he was slowly slipping out of his seat. While everyone was still staring in disbelief at what happened, Sasuke fell under the table - much like a wet noodle. All at once, the weird trance which had kept everyone silent suddenly vanished.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" The pink-haired kunoichi screeched. "KAKASHI-SENSEI, I THINK SASUKE JUST HAD A SIEZURE!" **(A/N: Psssh-aw! Siezure, indeed! Some medic ninja SHE'LL make. X3) **Instantly forgetting about Naruto's headlock, Sakura bolted out of the dining area and into the kitchen to find their squad leader.

_'Crap, crap, crap!_' Naruto though frantically. _'What the hell just happened to Sasuke!'_ Acting on impulse, he lifted up the tablecloth and knelt down to have a look. Naruto was instantly assaulted by a barrage of hiccups, coming from...(who else?) TEH SASUKE. His blue eyes opened wide as they always did when Naruto was suprised. "Uh...Sas - GAH!"

Sasuke, leaping faster then anyone who had just downed a gigantic cup of sake had any right to, had tackled Naruto down and was now clinging to his arm. He hiccuped a few more times as Naruto stared in sheer terror. "NARUTO!" He yelled, with that Japanese accent on the "R" that only Yuri Lowenthal could do.

"Y-yeah, Sasuke?" Naruto trembeled, trying to pry Sasuke off his arm.

"...Yer orange. Like a BANANA." The drunken Uchiha chuckled at his own joke, and latched onto Naruto's arm tighter.

"GAAAAAAAAH! GETHIMOFFMEGETHIMOFFMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" Naruto screamed, and started to run around the room, dragging Sasuke along.

"Oy! Child of the sexy appearance! Stop it with ze shenanaggins!" The host bellowed, spritzing Sasuke with a water-squirter. Sasuke blinked a few times, then started to giggle. (If Sasu-kun had been a cat, this is definitely how he would've acted on catnip...) He lazily stick out his tounge at the host.

Naruto continued to run around the room for the next few minutes, while Sasuke stubbornly clug on to his arm. The host chased them both with a broom, yelling things in an intelligible language.

"GUJSL SHMIDCA LORGENHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He bellowed, and finally managed to hit Sasuke on his head.

"You...You...YOU POO-POO BAKA HEAD!" Sasuke cried. He jumped off Naruto and bit the host on the arm.

A tiny little -click- of a camera was heard as Kakashi and Saruka ran back into the room. Quickly shoving the camera back in his pocket, Kakashi calmly walked over to the host and Sasuke, who was back to hiccuping on the floor. Supressing a fit of laughter, the jounin motioned for Sakura to attend to the host's gaping Sasuke-bite-wound-thingy.

"Stay, still, sir..." Taking out a roll of gauze, Sakura inspected the middle-aged man's injury. Then, the bitter smell of alchohol passed across her nose. Sakura put her nose up to the confused host, and sniffed his wound (Okay...a teeny-bit weird...). "This smells like sake!" she exclaimed.

"What smells like Sasuke?" Naruto called out from his hiding place on top of a cabinet.

"YOUR FACE!" Sasuke giggled, trying to wriggle free from Kakashi, who was trying to tie Sasuke to a chair.

"Dammit, Sasuke, stay still!...Iruka owes me big-time for this..." He muttered.

_'What did Kakashi just say about Iruka-sensei?' _Naruto thought, intently staring at the wrestling match between Sasuke and Kakashi.

"BUT AUNTIE-KAKASHI!" Sasuke yelled. "I DON'T WANNA GO TO SCHOOL TODAY! I WANNA STAY HOME AND BACK COOKIES WITH YOOOUUU!"

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**What will become of the drunken Sasuke?**

Will Naruto be able to climb down from the cabinet?

WHEN WILL SAKURA STOP SNIFFING OLD GUY'S WOUNDS?

_**Find out in the next amazing chapter of: Sake and Sasuke!**_

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**((Wow, okay, I totally overdid it. XD Forgive me, ya'll! Oh, and many thanks to all the new reviewers:D Thanks you so much for the encouragement!))**


	4. And it only gets crazier

**AW. YEAH. BABY. xD Sake and Sasuke is back, yah! Enjoy!**

**-This chapter brought to you by Spearette-**

**XOXOXOXOXOXOXOOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOXOX**

Sasuke yelped and ran toward Sakura. "Mommy!" He clutched her leg. "Meanie poopie monstahis hurting my feewings." He mimicked a child's voice.

Sakura twitched. "M-mommy!" She grabbed Sasuke by the collar of his shirt. "I'M NOT OLD!" Sasuke's eyes widened. He reached out to Naruto, his outstretched arm clawing at the air.

"Daddy!" He squealed fearfully.

Naruto backed away, "Kakashi-sensei..." His face was etched with fear as he glanced back at Kakashi. "Is Sasuke-- AH!"He was interuppted by Sasuke's shirt flying into his mouth.

"I'm-a need-a a bath-a." He lifted up his arm and began to lap up the sweat pouring from his armpit.

"That's... repulsive." Kakashi grimaced, but proceeded to take out his camera. Click! Another snapshot wouldn't hurt... Kakashi mused to himself.

Just as Naruto began peeling the sweat drenched shirt off his face, Sasuke launched himself at him, landing on Naruto's face. "MASTAH!" he squeaked, snuggling his cheek into Naruto's temple.

"AUGHH!" Naruto flailed, his arms grabbing every unlucky object to be in his reach and throwing them roughly into the wall. Sasuke's face suddenly went blank. He stepped to the side of his comrade, and picked up the plate on the table. He conceiled his face in his hair, and mumbled almost unaudiably. "Food. Fight."

Naruto took this time to hide back in the safe enviorment of the cupboard.

As you could imagine, all hell broke loose. One handful at a time, the greasy food was thrown into the walls, priceless items, and at the other inhabitants of the room. All from one four-foot-eleven-iched child, on sake.

Sakura's anger level reached a all-time high at that point. Normally, her soft spot for the boy would have stopped her flaring temper. Her hands shook violently, and, though Sasuke's speed resembled that of a hyperactive terrier on steriods, grabbed Sasuke with no hope of escape.

"Sasuke, sit the hell down." She mumbled grimly. However, Sasuke's eyes shook in fear.

"WHO'RE YOU?" Sasuke yelped rather loudly.

"Sasuke, I--" Sakura said irritably.

"WHO'RE YOU?"

"Sas--"

"WHO'RE YOU?"

"SASUKE." Sakura yelled.

"WHO'RE YOU?"

"Sasuke..." Sakura mumbled.

"Jeez, Sakura, you dun hafta yell." Sasuke gave her a confused look under that crazed drunk look in his eyes.

**((A/N Spearette: Only those who have watched Invader Zim through a few times would get this. xD)) **

"Ugh, hopeless!" She dropped him on the ground

Sasuke promptly crawled in Kakashi's direction. He climbed up onto his back, panting as though it were a dangerous feat. He squeezed his arms around Kakashi's neck, and whined painfully high into his ear. "Piiiggy Back."

"Sonny, Eichlanea Vishmormon Clawendajnende!" The host chanted, hands in a praying position. "Let the demon inside this child of the Sexy be free!"

Unsurprisingly, nothing happened. Except, the host clawed at his sake-smelling wound.

"What the hell was that?" Naruto questioned, for no one else in the room was clueless enough to say their thoughts.

Sasuke drew in a deep breath. "HOONESTYYY IS SUCH A LONELY WORD. EVERYONE IS SO UNTRUUUE." he sang. "HOONESTYY IS HARDLY EVER HEARD. IT'S MOSTLY WHAT I NEED FROM YOO-U."

Everyone, in turn, stared. If Sasuke were drunker, he would have attempted to stare at himself.

Sakura turned back to the host, keeping her eyes straight on the boy until she was turned completely. "Stay still, mister." She wrinkled her nose at the sake smell emiting from the bite wound, and wrapeda clean bandage around it. She turned to Kakashi and asked, "Kakashi-sensei... why does the Sasuke bite smell like sake?"

Kakashi grinned under the mask, knowing no one could see anyway. " Well, Sakura, I figured the smartest of the squad would put two and two together."

Naruto fell out of his hiding spot, placing two hands next to each other. "...Sasuke... Sasuke..."

Sakura put a finger to her chin. "Sasuke... and Sake..."

Naruto raised a hand. "Ooh! I know! Sasuke was adopted by JuJubes as a kid and they drained out ALL his blood and filled it with sasuke!"

"You mean sake?" The host said unimportantly.

"That's what I said: sasuke." Naruto scoffed.

"No, Naruto. You idiot," Sakura 'psh'-ed. "Sasuke was somehow intoxicated with sake. But how?"

Everyone turned to the all-knowing, borderline giggling sensei with a questioned look on their faces.


End file.
